crazylanka.com

SCN, Srilanka Crazy News and the slogan "We weed out the serious news" are trademarks of the Crazylanka-McMaluPaan Corp.

Late Knews: Nurse Cuts Off Tip! VOL 4 NO 10 The Folidol Issue 17th May 2005
Miss Sri Lanka Nude Pics Shock! by our corr. Roxy Cinema (SCN 20-5-2005) "Very, Very Sad Day for the country" says El Presidente Today there was widespread shock, anger, disgusting and cries of "Aiyo Appoi!" when naykerd..er..nude pictures of Miss Sri Lanka Rozanne Diasz surfaced! These explicit..expli.. pictures leave nothing to the imagination and have been condemned universally. "Thish is against our culture!" said Rev. Narammpanawe "Soda Epa" Rathanajothi "The bikini pictures are bad enough, but thish?" A spokesman for the Miss Universe contest in Bangkok, Somachan Pongsanith said "Bang bua thong pak kret kaeng jeut tom khaa kai puu neung!". He further added "Kaeng phanaeng neua kung chup!".....(Isn't that "Beef Curry with Noodles" in Thai? - Ed) Miss Diasz refused to comment when contacted by The Daily Pol-Thel... Click link for pics WARNING! Do not click if you are under 18 Nice but Naughty! Miss Saudi Arabia Wears Bikini Under Burkha Shock! Miss Saudi Arabia Miss Saudi Arabia Wears Bikini Under Burkha Shock! by our corr. Salman Rushdie (SCN 20-5-2005) Today the idiotic world of Islam was rocked to the foundations when Miss Saudi Arabia, Fatima al Quyad (47yrs) revealed that she was wearing a gold lamé bikini specially made for her by Fortnum and Mason (Shouldn't that be Versace or Janet Reger? - Ed).......... "Thish is one small step for me but a major step for Saudi womenkind" she said. "Next year we hope to be allowed to drive cars!" she added hopefully. The mad Mullahs of....aaaaargh!.....
Cutey Bean! Above: The lovely Miss Rosanne Diasz not wearing a bikini! Click image for bikini pics! Below: Outraged monks			Breaking Knews: Monks Upset By Bikini Clad Beauty Queens "Very, Very Sad Day for the country" says El Presidente ...er...Shock? By our corr. Seelasena Seelawardhana for SCN from Bankok (20-5-2005) Sukhothai Hotel on Ratchadaphisek Rd, next to Ladyboy Nightclub Today, there was angryness...er...outraging...er...(Get on with it! - Ed) when naughtily dressed girls including Miss Sri Lanka paraded half naked in the Bang Cock in the front of the Sacred Temple Wat Isitsname.. But Thailand Tourist Minister saying it is good for the economy. If good for economy why we not holding Miss Universe in Anuradhapura? I am asking! This filthy, depravaged, naughty, dirty, phonographic display should stop... Miss Indonesia has Fatwa issued by Mullahs for wearing of the swimsuit! We should issue Fatwa against Miss Sri Lanka for wearing of the bikini? Miss Sri Lanka a Woman Shock! Miss Sri Lanka a Woman (SCN Bangkok 20-5-2005) It came as a nasty surprise for the largely Buddhist citizens of Thailand that Miss Sri Lanka was a woman! "This is a country famous worldwide for its Ladyboys (transvestites)! We don't want women competing for business!" said the lovely Miss Na Phra Suamong a well-known ladyboy. "I shave everyday to keep my skin smooth!" she/he/it added................................ No Foreign Trip For Miss Thailand! Today, Miss Thailand, the lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely...(That'sh enough lovely! - Ed) Miss Chalida Thaochalee complained that she was not getting a foreign trip. "Why hold thish contest in Thailand, ah? Why not in America, ah? Other contestants get foreign trip but I stay home Ha?".......................................
Folidol Kills Monk Shock! "Very, Very Sad Day for the country" says El Presidente by our corr. Rev. Narammpanawe Rathanajothi of SCN Bulathwellkandura Temple, Hunnasgiriya exclusively for SCN Today, an unfortunate 30 year old Buddhist monk in a 'Yellow Robe' was killed by a small bottle of Folidol which happened to be in the folds of his robe and very, very mysteriously found its way into his mouth. Kaamesu micchchara veramani siccah padang samadhiyami! (That is Latin? - Ed) Monk Not Rapist Shock! Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Crazy Republick of Sri Lanka: Alleged sexual abuse of under-aged girl Man in yellow robes arrested by Asanga Warnakulasuriya (not for SCN) Matara Police along with the National Child Protection Authority (NCPA) officials yesterday arrested a man in yellow robes (shurely, Buddish Monk? - Ed) in connection with an alleged sexual abuse and rape of an underage girl. NCPA Chairman Prof. Harendra de Silva told the Daily News that the suspect, who is known to have been a "prominent" clergyman in the Matara area was arrested despite the resistance by his two lawyers. According to Professor de Silva preliminary investigations revealed that the suspect had sexually abused an under-aged girl while he had been the principal of a pirivena in Matara. It was revealed that the suspect had first shown pornographic videos to the victim before she was sexually abused. Police officials also found pornographic material in possession with the suspect. It is also alleged that the suspect had got six other youths to sexually abuse the same girl, the Chairman said. The suspect was produced before the Galle Magistrate yesterday and was remanded. The NCPA officials are conducting further investigations. Exterminate the nasty insects that destroy the fabric of our society! A bottle of nasty Arrack which Buddhist monks never touch. (Should always be drunk with soda or kerosene.) Soda Epa! (Above) A bottle of the notorious Sri Lankan spirits 'Folidol' that killed an innocent Buddhist monk! (Never take two drams upon being sentenced by a magistrate!) (Wrong pic! - Ed)

VOL 4 NO 9 The Railway Issue 30th April 2005

Breaking Story:Man Buys Railway Ticket Shock! (see below)

Memorial Service For Train Accident Victims "Very, Very Sad Day for the country" says El Presidente by our corr. Samudrani Devi of SCN (behind platform 2 of Railway Halt No 1) Today, the two Foreign victims of the recent railway disasters were given a memorial service by the Garment of Glorious Chandrapala The Great, El Presidente of the Railway Republic of Sri Lanka which unfortunately inherited an antiquwaited railway service from the hated British during Colonialising times...(Sentence too long!- Ed) When the British left Sri Lanka in 1948 they left a decrepit, fallen down, ageing, geriatric, non-working railway system. Thanks to Presidente Chandrapala it is now the best...(Get on with it! - Ed) No 593, sister of No 591 attended the funeral of both locos Following the Tsunami disaster and the recent Polgahawela Disaster El Presidente paid tribute to the main victims Class M2A locomotive No 591 "Manitoba" (born 1956, London, Ontario, Canada) and Class M6 loco No 786 No Name (born 1979, Germany). No 591 died at Peraliya and No 786 sustained fatal injuries at Polgahawela. Millions of Sri Lankan Railway fans (Shome mistake? Surely, just ten! - Ed) gathered at... Locomotive Involved In Polgahawela Tragedy Was A German Shock! Emerging news indicated that the Henschell-Thyssen Locomotive painted in green UNP colours and bought by the UNP Garment of 1977 was German... Dead! Henschel-Thyssen loco No 786 at Polgahawela Bus Had Hazard Warning! Locomotive Clearly In The Wrong! Today, Police Inspector Bodhinayaka Pagawansa of Central Police Operating Theatre said that the bus that was destroyed by the criminal train had a clear hazard warning triangle on it and therefore the criminal train should have stopped for the bus. Clearly under the influence of free Arrack provided by the owner of the bus company he further said "Hic!" Train Didn't Stop For 500 meters Claim! Further evidence provided by the owner of the tragic bus and a well known thug, Weiligampola Henarath Bandara aka "Weligowwa", indicated that the train did not stop immediatly after the accidenting but continuing to travelling for another 500 metres before coming to a stop. "The train had no brakes! If you write nasty comments about me and my bus company in your filthy newspaper I will kill you!" Man Buys Railway Ticket Shock! Man Buys Railway Ticket (2-5-2005, SCN) by Fredericka North Today a man actually tried to buy a railway ticket in a country where most passengers travel without tickets! The incident happened at Kalutara South railway station early this morning. "I was so surprised that I dropped the date stamping machine on my foot and Aiyo I sustaining fracture!" said the Station Master Mr. Rhunu 'Cowcatcher' Kumarisinghe. "I was shocked! I was very, very shocked! It was very shocking! Usually peoples just rushing down platfoam eka and jumping on the trains! Not buying ticket! Thish man must be idiot! Actually paying for a ticket!" he added further. The Police were called in and OIC Kaasi Pagamaruwa arrested the suspect and took him in for questioning. Above: A Sri Lankan Railway ticket similar to the one that a deranged man tried to purchase at Kalutara South rail station! A picture taken by our photographer Anuradhapura Pukalokuaarachchi seconds before the criminal train driver hit the bus clearly shows a Hazard Warning Triangle on the front end of the bus! Railway enthusiasts might want to visit The Sri Lanka Railway page maintained and published by us. Buses To Get Priority Over Trains! In a shock announcement the Minister of Transport, Whose-Name-We-Can't-Remember, said that in future trains will have to stop at all level crossings before moving across the level crossing! "Thish way we can avoid tragedies like thish in future!" he said. The Association of Private Bus Companies approved this decision. "Afterall, we have been paying massive bribes to the Garment and they should be giving us the priorities before the trains!" New Combined Rail-Road Service Launched! The craziness continues! Left: The Garment in its great wisdom launched a new Rail-Road combined bus and train service Above: Train waits for bus to cross at level crossing near Pissugama Loco Float! Leftist: Meanwhile, the Looney, Leftie, Pol-Pots of the JVP built a cardboard locomotive for their May Day parade. Typical! The original loco was built in the capitalist country of Canada The JVP is a load of old cardboard! (Railway enthusiasts will note that it is EMD G12 Class M2 No 591 "Manitoba")

VOL 4 NO 8 The Daily Vatican 19th April 2005

Rat Elected Pope Shock! by our corr. Tissa Balasuriya (formerly, Father Tissa Balasuriya of Aquinas, Punchi Borella) Today a shifty German wheeler-dealer by the name of Cardinal Herr Josef("The Rat") Ratzinger (alias Benedict XVI) was elected to head Vatican™ PLC, one of the richest businesses in the world. The stock markets around the world....... Above: Cardinal Ratzinger at a Vatican fancy dress party Generally considered to be supportive of American Global Policies, his appointment came as no surprise...Ratzinger was responsible for excommunicating Gallileo Gallili for having the audacity to say that the Earth revolved around the Sun and not the other way around! I once wrote a book and he didn't like it and he excommunicated me! New Pope Already Dead Shock! Breaking News: Ratzinger's brother Georg Ratzinger has raised questions about whether someone of the pope's age is fit for the post. "At an age when you approach 80, it's no longer guaranteed that one is able to work and get up the next day." "However I must admit that he has been trying out Viagra. That should get a rise out of him!" Ten Things That You Didn't Know About Popes! Ten Things That You Didn't Know About Ratzinger! First Pope was Peter, a fisherman from the Karawe caste! Some Popes were Married! Some Popes were Married and had children! Some Popes were not married but had children! Pope Borgia was a well-known thug! All Popes are Catholics! Er...That'sh it! (You are sacked! - God) Do a Google search for "Married Popes" and see what you find! Is a German! Was once a member of Hitler Youth Likes McDonalds Cheeseburgers with french fries and coke (You are sacked! - Ed)

Breaking Knews! Another Public Holiday in Sri Lanka? Today, a chap by the name of Joan Paul the deka was summoned to Head Office by his boss God. JP was a fan of Crazylanka? God Fails To Ressurrect Joan Paul Shock! CLICK IMAGE LINK TO VISIT THE SPECIAL EDITION OF THE DAILY POL-THEL!
VOL 4 NO 7 Looney Issue 28th March 2005
Coming Soon! The 100 Metre Exclusive Zone Explained! Do you qualify as one of the previlaged few allowed to open hotels and bars in the Exclusive...er...Exclusion Zone?....... Find out!
Other Looney News Pry Minister Climbs Coconut Tree! It is reported that the Pry Minister of Sri Looney climbed a coconut tree when he heard that a 'Toonami was on its way. Whilst The President's official hut is known as "Temple Trees" the Pry Minister's is known as "Coconut Trees"	'Toonami Misses Crazy Island Shock! by our corr.'Toonamini Wijedasa (SCN 28-3-2005 up a coconut tree, near Galle) Today the Cartoon Republic of Sri Looney was not hit by another 'Toonami dashing the hopes of daffy, porky politicians who were hoping for another windfall in the form of Foreign Aid.... Porky Pigs! Politicians had earlier prayed for another 'Toonami and people watched the sea in anticipation whilst Buddhist monks preyed...er...prayed... People are yet to recieve any aid...politicians disagree on the 100 metre exclusive zone..(you mean exclusion zone? - Ed).. What Ultramorons? Idiot Sri Lankans position themselves in exactly the wrong place in anticipation of a 'Toonami.... You know what folks? It's 'Toonami Season! 'Toonami Early Warning System courtesy of the USA.... Just a cotton robe pickin' minute! Buddhist monks indulging in dangerous past time of praying to the sea... Looney Eelam News Looney Tigers Kill Each Other! No One Mourns Shock Today there was no mourning when some Looney Tigers killed other Looney Tigers in the Looney Vanni Wildlife Sanctuary in the North of The Looney Republic....(That'sh enough Looney! - Ed) Looney Leftist News Looney Leftist Pol Pots Failed Strike Bid: Today the Looney Leftists of Sri Lanka failed to organise a strike...Attempts to ignite Petroleum workers splutterd out..... LOONEY SPORTS: Man Marries Woman Shock! Today a man called Murali married a woman. He was previously married to a ball. The Looney Garment declared another Public Holiday!..............(Shurely, another day of mourning? - Ed)

VOL 4 NO 6 Portuguese Issue 27th February 2005

Breaking News: "Big Ears" Charles, the heir to the British throne and wife of Camillus Parker Bowels is visiting Sri Lanka today....Do go out and wave a few flags... EXCLUSIVE! Pictures of Prince Charles in Sri Lanka!

Portuguese Woman Wins "Miss Lanka" Title Shock! by our corr. Deshapremidasa Ellepola (SCN, Kande Udarata, near bus stand) Today, a Prutuguese woman with the white skin by the name of the Rozanne Dias is winning the prestidigitous (That'sh a big Engrishy word!) "Miss Sri Lanka" contesting! Aiyo what is happenings? Foreign women winning title? Why no Kandy women winning? And who runner up? Not Kandy woman! etc (That'sh enough! - Ed) Original caption: The beaming and beautiful Rozanne Diasz in her moment of crowning glory when she was chosen as Miss Sri Lanka who will represent the country at the Miss Universe 2005 contest. (Daily Mirror 26th Feb 2005) Other Famous Lankan Beauty Queens Maureen Hingert Daisy Daniels (aka Rukmani Devi) Rosie Ramanayake Senanayake (Our Man in Malaysia) Davinia MtLavinia R. M. Seelawathie of Boralanda (You sure? - Ed) Chandrika Bandara...(You are sacked! - Ed) "Portuguese Day" Celebrations Undecided Yet! "Fernando Day" Say the Fernandos! by our corr Fernando de Silva (SCN The Pettah) With the 500th anniversary of the Glorious first visit of the Portuguese to Sri Lanka coming up this year the incompetent government of Señora Chandrani and her lapdog Señor Moustache de Rajapakssa are yet to make plans for celebrating this event. There is a dispute whether it should be called "Lorenzo de Almeida Day", "Fernando Day"or just "Portuguese Day". The Government has appointed a commission....etc....has asked the IGP to arrest etc...Plans are being made etc...There is also a dispute as to who should get the credit for inviting the Portuguese in the first place etc...JVP spokesman .... Other News Paan not a Sinhalese word shock! There was widespread confusion etc...when it was revealed that PAAN which is the Sinhalese word for bread, was actually a hated Portuguese word! The McMalupaan Corporation said... Baby 81 Appointed Cultural Attache to Washington! Baby 81, also known Abilash the Great, has been appointed the Sri Lankan Cultural Attache to Washington! The Baby is at the moment touring New York which is also known as the Rotten Apple (Surely, Big Apple? - Ed) Dead Prabhakaran Invites Relatives To Funeral! Sri Lanka Tiger chief gets relatives flown in for funeral: [World News]: Colombo, Feb 26 : Sri Lanka today "facilitated" the return to the island of a large number of relatives of Tiger supremo Velupillai Prabhakaran to attend a family funeral. Ten close relatives of Prabhakaran, 50, arrived at Sri Lanka's only international airport today from Malaysia and travelled to the rebel-held north of the island, officials said.

VOL 4 NO 5 Comic Issue 20th February 2005
Laurel and Hardy visit Tsunami Republic!
	Two retired American clowns visited the Tsunami Republic today much to the annoyance of the JVP Pol Pots who were excluded from the celebrations and the mutual back slapping between the rich Yankee visitors and Dictator Chandrapala.... God deals in Dollars! The Dollar is God. Like it or not! God is back in Sri Lanka!
Baby 81 is Elephant God shock! DNA Testing Show Elephant Genes! by our corr. Biglingam o'Tool of Lunumadavil (SCN 20-2-2005) There was widespread idiocy when people of the SriLankan Tsunami Republic decided that Baby 81 was the return of the Elephant headed God Ganesh. Coconuts were smashed and oil lamps lit when locals noticed that the baby was growing a nelephant like trunk Even Gods need to poo! Ali Baba (get it?) Earlier the baby was treated like a criminal and had to undergo DNA testing (see pic right) but when they carried out DNA testing they discover that baby has Elephant DNA! Shock no? Baby 81 Stamps The Garment is to issue Baby 81 postage stamps....The Philatelic Booroowo of Sri Lanka said today that.... "Baby 81" baby food Nestlés to produce "Baby 81"™ baby food in addition to the usual rubbish that they produce Abducksun of chillren

crazylanka.com