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VOL 4 NO 4 Post, post,Tsunami Issue 10th February 2005

Breaking News: Abilass Jeyarajah or 'Baby 81' to contest next Presidential Elecshun Shock!

Man With Moustache Claims "Baby 81" shock!

By our corr Sathyapala Boruwansa (SCN Kotte 9th Feb 2005) Today a hideous man with a fungus infested moustache tried to claim Tsunami survivor "Baba 81". It is generally thought that this man is deranged or trying to capitalise on the Tsunami to win votes... Other News: Tsunami News Tsunami, tsunami, government, tsunami, Pry Minister, Chandrika, more Tsunami, even more tsunami..... Sri Lankans Waste Time Working! Shocking news from the Chamber of Commerce indicate that some Sri Lankans actually work in Government Departments! This is considered to be a shocking waste of time, time which could be used for watching cricket matches and betting on horses.... Fish and Loaves Trick Goes Sour For JC! Bottom Drops Out of McMalupaan Corp shock! Public Service Ads Second Coming of JC Hits Snag! Today, attempts by Christian, proselyt...proteolysing..er Christians trying to convert locals hit a snag when Tsunami affected people refused to eat fish! Maalu Epa! In the year AD29, a man by the name of Jesus Christ fed 6000 starving Palastinians with just two loaves of bread and a fish. Attempts to try the same trick backfired when the locals threw the fish back at the missionaries! Jesus Christ refused to comment when contacted by Crazylanka. With the people of Sri Lanka refusing to eat fish, the main ingredient of McMalupaan, shares in the giant McMalupaan corporation of Punchi Borella hit an all time low.... Stacks of stale McMalupaan were being sent overseas.... Missing Since Tsunami Pleeze help us find Tissa Wijesinghe an electrician (electric baas) from Sydney, Australia who is missing since the Tsunami. His anxious friends would like him to contact Crazylanka as soon as possible. Reply to BOX 3256 c/o Crazylanka. Ads by Budhuammoooooooooooo New SriLankan Names: The Registrar General's Office in Colombo reports that the following names have been recently registered on birth certificates: Girls: Tsunamini, Tsumanawathie, Tsuneetha, Tsuranganee, Tsunethra.......... Boys: Tsumanasiri, Tsumanapala, Tsumith, Tsunil..............

VOL 4 NO 3 More Tsunami News Issue 28th January 2005

Breaking News: Emblem of the Lord Buddha in female underskirt [LANKA TRUTH 29th January] It is reported that a garment factory in the Biyagama Investment zone has designed a border for the underskirt of women with the emblem of the Lord Buddha. More Breaking News: Google Still Has Buddha Bikini Images! Shocking! Don't visit this link! Pry Minister Gets Own Website!

El Bandido Prabha Not Dead Shock! By our corr TsuNamini Wijedasa (SCN Kill Nochi) In spite of the gloating of the state sponsored media of the Dictatorship of Chandrapala and her supporting cast of assorted commie JVP Pol-Pots, the leader of the assorted Tamil assorted commie Eeelam Pol-Pots, a fat moustachioed oily guy by the name of Pippa, emerged unscathed from the Tsunami wearing a bikini! Ennadah! Is thish miracle? Pippa or Prabhakaran as she was once known, is well known for his/her love of pink knickers...(That'sh enough pink..er rubbish! - Ed) Pictures of Pipphakaran in orange coloured bikini on another page... What Pripha might have looked liked after Tsunami The self styled El Bandido of Eelam of course died a long time ago when his style of terrorism went out of the window after 9/11. What we need to worry about now is the self styled Dictator ChandraPalakovsky of Kazhanistan and her nancy boy Moustachovich Dictator ChandraPalakovsky of Kazhanistan Mahinda Moustachovich "The Man With No Face!" What Prabha might have looked like before Tsunami Man Eats Fish Shock! Today a Sri Lankan man ate fish! Today contrary to advice given by the WHO, UN, UNESCO, JVP, UNP, SLFP, TPKUNAWNATI, GMOA, IPKF, CIA, NGO, ABCD MaluKade, Global MacMalupaan Corp, a man by the name of Sirisena actually ate a fish! Man Eats Meat Shock! Today a Sri Lankan man ate meat! Today contrary to advice given by Lord Gautama Buddha, a man actually ate meat by killing the animal first which is against the "Panathipatha Veramani...etc" bit of Buddhism Fish Eats Man Shock Today a Sri Lankan man was eaten by fish This is bad joke time and am I sacked, Editor Sir?

VOL 4 NO 2 Tsunami Fraud Issue 20th January 2005

Miracle Girl Survives Tsunami After Three Weeks by our corr. Norma "Fifty Rupees for Good Story" Palihawardana (SCN Hikkaduwa 16-1-2005) Today, a beautiful girl with pretty face, bright eyes, long dark hair, long shaven legs , big...(That'sh enough! - Ed)...by the name of Davinia MtLavinia emerged from the rubbles of a posh Hikkaduwa hotel three weeks after the Tsunami destroyed everything! Miracle No? Looking fit and tired but beautiful with long legs and big...er..inspite of her long ordeal she immediately asked for a Double Gin 'n' Tonic. Davinia, who is a table dancer at the hotel said "When the Tsunami struck I got trapped with half-a-dozen fit foreign men which was not a bad thing but then I realised that I had lost my bra. I couldn't come out!". The Lovely Davinia MtLavinia ( MORE PICS OF DAVINIA IN THE NEX TISSUE) Find Her Bra and Win Prize! Chat with Davinia! Davinia Ring Tones! Davinia Wallpaper. Send Flowers To Davinia. A Date With Davinia...and other rubbish on other Sri Lankan web pages! Kenda Kola Deka Finally she emerged holding two Kenda leaves in front of her. "The thirst was what got me! I havent had a cocktail in three weeks!" she said. MORE PICS OF DAVINIA IN THE NEX TISSUE "Thank God for Halapenia Othaniya leaves" said the lovely Davinia MtLavinia when she emerged from the rubble. (Pic: Anuruddha Lokupukaarachchi/SCN) Find her Kenda Kola! Win Prize! Sirisena Was A Fraud Shock! Sri Lanka man rescued 13 days after tsunami By David Fox GALLE, Sri Lanka (Reuters) - An elderly Sri Lankan man has been miraculously found alive in the ruins of a building devastated by the killer tsunami two weeks ago, haggard and dehydrated but semi-conscious, local media say. A man called Siresena who emerged from the rubble after two weeks has been branded a fraud. He had been seen walking around town immediatly after the Tsunami but later claimed that he got trapped under rubble. More frauds in the form of Politicians are also emerging from the Roubles...er rubble! From Other Newspapers Today Her Supreme Commander Presidente Chandrika...Chandrika...More Chandrika...even more Chandrika....a bit of Mahinda...another bit of Mahinda....Buddhists....Mahanayake Thero...another Mahanayake Thero...Don't mention Ranil - Ed. Garment to...rebuilding...fishing industry already improved ...Chandrika builds bridge...Chandrika pilots helicopter...Chandrika is God... Lanka Truthful Americanu invading the Sri Lanka at Koggala. Peace Corps are Back! Who asked them to coming back? Send them back. Ugly American back from Vietnam...Prabhakaran dead...Yankee Go Home etc OzLanka Another dance cancelled in Sydney...another in Melbourne...no dances in Wagga Wagga..Vihara has Dana...Monks turn up for free meals...Major fund racing...er raising...SPUR...Cricket Legend...Umpire Hora! Aussie Sri Lankans are tops! Aussie Lankans Rule World...Aussie Sri Lankan Volunteers pack Buth Packets...etc ................................. Matara Mary Fraud Shock Halle Berry Safe! Commodities News emerging from the town of Matara indicates that the statue of the Virgin Mary that was taken by the sea but miraculously returned by the same sea was actually a wooden statue. As wood generally tends to float on water as a result of the Archimedes' Principle and Boyle's law and that sort of thing that we studied at school it is not very, very surprising that Wooden Mary should obey the laws of bouyancy and therefore float back. Wooden Heart! What miracle is thish? When challenged, the local Catholic Priest Ven. Batuwantudawe Jesudasa said "Api Dhanney Ne!" which is Sinhalese for "We don't know, don't ask questions, thish is all beyond us..!" When contacted by SCN/Crazylanka the Bish. of Colombo Nicholas Marcus Bishop said "Gloria in excelsis deo. Santificatur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnuum tuum. Fiat voluntas tuu toooooo aahh!" Reports emerging from the Tsunami devasted Sri Lanka indicate that the lovely Ms Halle Berry was nowhere near Sri Lanka at the time and was wearing an orange coloured bikini and is therefore safe...any excuse to publish a pic of the lovely Halle..(You are sacked! - Ed) Di Caprio To Visit Sri Lanka The poncy Hollywood actor Leonardo Di Caprio is to visit Sri Lanka and offer his expertise on rebuilding. Having acted in a film called "The Beach" he considers himself an expert.....(Rotters) Today's Fish Prices (St. John's Fishmarket, Pettah) Balaya Rs 1.00/Kilo Alaguduwa Rs 2.50/Kilo Kelawalla Rs 1.50/Kilo Thora Rs 3.50/Kilo Savalaya FREE! Shark FREE! PRICES UPDATED HOURLY

VOL 4 NO 1...........................................................Post Tshunami Special Arrack....................................6th January 2005 Latest: Tourists Return! Two tourists by the name of Cooling Powell and Kofi Annan arrived in Sri Lanka today...more in later editions LATEST PICTURE FEATURE: CBK POWELL Wedding Tshunami Was An Act of God Shock! by our corr. Madawagure Bhodisekera (SCN Sydney, Australia 5-1-2005) Bearded Man Was Active In Area Before First Wave! Shocking news emerging from the devastating...er devastateded..(Get on with it! - Ed) Buddish Republik of Sri Lanka reveal that the whole Aiyo Appoi disaster was the work of God! Even Inshurances Companies saying this ish the Acting of God! We presenting the evidences! Tshunami Prevention Measures in Place! Garment Issues Surfboards to Everyone by our corr. Diyasena Pandamsekera (SCN 9-1-2005 reporting from the Grand Hotel Nuwara Eliya which is near the Tsunami devastated area) Today our Glorious leader, Chandrika Banda Ace Nayake, issued surfboards to all people living in coastal areas as well as those in places like Nuwara-Eliya, Bandarawela and Diyatalawa. Experts are predicating...er ..predicting that the next Tsunami will hit Nuwara Eliya...(That'sh enough rubbish! - Ed) (Pics: Foreign experts show the correct way to use surfboards) Bibilical Evidence In the Bible a bearded old git by the name of God caused a Deluge (which is the same thing as Tsunami except there were no Japanese in the Bible) People were not very religious and were doing nasty things to each other like sticking red hot pokers in each others eyes and saying naughty things about God... One man by the name of Noah and his family built an Ark, loaded it up with animals, went out to sea and survived. Evidence from Sri Lanka In Welimadagama a cloud in the form of God was seen in the sky 3 minutes before the first wave! People were not very religious and were doing nasty things to each other like throwing hand grenades at Bollywood concerts and setting fire to churches... One man by the name of Noah Aiya and his family built a trawler, loaded it up with animals, went out to sea and survived. Bearded men were seen in Down South talking about revolushion (Surely, those were the Pol-Pots, not God? - ED) Should God Be Held Responsible? We Ask If God is that sort of maniac who sends large amounts of water to destroy fishermankind what sort of a God is he? We might as well have Visnu the Hindu God who regularly does nasty things like sending fire from heaven! World Exclusive! Recent photos of God exclusive to Crazylanka. Leftist: CrazyGod sets off Tsunami with a little bit of help from Michaelangelo Aiya. Right: CrazyGod writing his web page after the Tsunami using Microsoft™ Windows 00 "I yam the Lord an' I shall Shtrike Thee with furioush Venegence with Tsshunamis and Volcanic eruptionsh and empty bottles of ARRACK!" - God Massive Wave Of Money Engulfs Government! By TsuNamini Wijedasa A Worldwide wave of money originating from the West today fell into the hands of corrupt Governments and into the hands of corrupt politicians. A fisherwoman from the Sri Lankan village of Madawagura, by the name of Mrs Kellie (aka "Malu" aka "Kellie Walla" nee Wengestrom) Wijesekera, said : "It is a disaster! We lost everything and now Ministers getting new cars and money! They taking my land where my poor late husband had a beach shack and building new big hotel! (I have been in Sri Lankatoo long and now I speak like them!)" I Blame God! Says Man In Saffron Robes. "The so called Tsunami is the work of the missionaries who acting in the name of God tried to convert peoples into the Christianity by dropping a large Nuclear weapons into the Indian Ocean with the help of Americans.." said a man in a yellow robe from the JHU but nobody was listening to him... "I tell you! There were missionaries in colourful shorts and surf boards on thish beach and they were smoking Ganja...." LATESEST NEWS! Aunty Conversion Bill on Hold! (Until we get more money from Christian Countries)

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