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VOL 3 NO 24	Tsunami Issue!	27th December 2004
Contribute to the disaster fund through LacNet
T. Sunami from Indonesia is coming: A typical joke circulating in Sri Lanka! .....On prime minister's return, the operator told prime minister about the call, said T. Sunami from Indonesia is arriving in 2 hrs. Prime Minister promptly took action to send a delegation to Katunayake Airport with name boards saying'Welcome Mr. T. Sunami - Indonesia'.. IT'S HERE! The Crazylanka TSUNAMI BULLSHIT Page! What The Sri Lankan and World Media had to say about The Tsunami! Aiyo Breaking News: New Tsunami Forces Moustache Rajapaksa and JVP Pol-Pots off Velvetithurai! Residents throw masalavaddai! Dec 30 (AP) Bodyguards whisked Sri Lanka's prime minister away from a meeting with ethnic-Tamil tsunami quake victims Thursday after some victims hit journalists and a soldier with wooden poles.Thursday, December 30, 2004 · Last updated 4:16 a.m. PT Sri Lanka leader leaves tsunami meeting By SHIMALI SENANAYAKE ASSOCIATED PRESS WRITER COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- Bodyguards whisked Sri Lanka's prime minister away from a meeting with ethnic-Tamil tsunami quake victims Thursday after some victims hit journalists and a soldier with wooden poles. Prime Minister Mahinda Rajapakse, four Cabinet ministers, military officials and a media contingent flew to the island's northern coast to inspect the devastation and speak to residents close to Valvedditturai, the home town of the leader of the Tamil rebels, Vellupillai Prabhakaran. TSUNAMI APPEAL: Help Our Ministers! Latest News: Ministers' lost Mercedes to be replaced. An Urgent Appeal: All Ministers who's luxury cars have been swept away by the Tsunami are urged to come forward and claim their new vehicles as a matter of urgency. Did You Know? Tsunami: The Japanese word "Tsunami" (pronounced "tsunami"!) means "Fat Idiot (imbecile) Minister Has Jumped Into The Sea And (is) Causing Big Waves!"
A sobering thought: The number of people killed by the Tsunami is nowhere near that killed by the civil war! Tempting Fate? (SCN Punchi Borella 29-12-2004) Queen Vihara Maha Devi News emerging from our totally unreliable and drunken correspondents indicate that prior to the Tsunami Our Queen Vihara Maha Chandrani tempted fate by declaring herself as Queen Vihara Maha Devi! Aiyo What Idiocy? According to our drunken corrs. approx a month ago at Nilwala Bridge at Matara El Presidente unveiled something or the other and engaged in delusions of grandeur. This is of course unsubshtanshiated..er...unshub..er.. Queen Chandrika Maha Devi Tsunami Hits Sri Lanka! Aiyo Why Aney? by our corr. Diyasena Waturagama (SCN 27-12-2004) History repeated itself today when the sea came in suddenly and unexpectedly (except that Americans monitoring the earthquake near Sumatra knew about it, tried phoning Sri Lankan authorities and were met by the query "Mokada Hullo?".) The last time the country was inundated by the sea was during the time of King KelaniTissa. The King sacrificed his daughter to the sea. She was known as Vihara Maha Devi. (The King later built a power station near Grandpass) Idiot Sri Lankans watch waves at Galle Face after Tsunami struck! People never learn and thousands of years later we get inundated again and what do people do? They go to the beach to see the sea! What idiocy? Neda aney? Fat Anura to be Sacrificed to the Sea? Shock! Fat sacrifice to the sea? Tsunami Cancel Concert! (Above) Japanese pop duo "Tsunami" (above) Never flush toilets when train is standing at platform! UNP Responsible For Earthquake Claim! There were irresponsible claims today that the UNP and Ranil Wickremesinghe in particularly, were responsible for setting off the earthquake. A spokesman for the JVP said that.... Chief Justice To Prosecute The Chief Justice, Sarath Bighead, today said that he was prepared to prosecute those responsible for the Tsunami especially if it was the work of the UNP. The sentence for setting off a tidal wave is two years imprisonment. Tsunami Cancel Concert The Japanese pop duo "Tsunami" who were due to give a concert in Sri Lanka have cancelled the event. At first when people heard that "Tsunami is coming!" most people thought it was the pop duo and ran to buy tickets.. Fat Anura To Be Sacrificed To The Sea? There were rumours that Presidente Chandrapala, in an immitation of King Kelani Tissa, might sacrifice her fat brother Anura Airport to the waves. There is a worry that throwing his immense bulk into the sea might trigger off another Tsunami! Prisoner Escapes! In the confusion of the Tsunami several prisoners, including a notorious prisoner by the name of S.B. Dissanayake - the jailed MP, are thought to have escaped.. Contribute to the disaster fund through LacNet

VOL 3 NO 23	"Apita Kelawuna" Issue!	8th December 2004
Ding Dongs Going Merrily On The High Courts?
Police List Bollywood Concert Grenade Suspects by our corr in hiding (SCN14-12-2004) Today a Sri Lanka Police spokesperson, under compulsion from El Presidente, said that they had drawn up a comprehensive list of suspectators..(There is no such word! - Ed) responsibubble...responsible for the nasty grenade throwing incident at the Bollywood Bajauw eka. Here is the list: Ranil Wickremesinghe, S.B. Dissanayake, G.L.Pieris, D.S. Senanayake (deceased), R. Premadasa (deceased), General Auguste Pinochet (Chile), R. M. Sirisena of Boralanda, Vladimir Pusskin, Mata Hari, Adolf Hitler (deceased), "Bandakka", "Murunga", "Vambotta", Martina Navaratilova, Tom Cruise, Pope John Paul ii, Clint "Dirty Harry" Eastwood, A Man With No Name, Mrs. Margaret Thatcher, Ernesto Guevara, Mother Theresa, Veerappan (deceased)...(That'sh enough suspects! - Ed) Prabhakaran Threw Hand Grenade At Bollywood Concert Claim! by our corr. Panathi Pathawardena (SCN Punchi Borella 12-12-2004) Today the totally embarr-arsed media and the Garment of the Crazy Republic were trying to blame the grenade attack on the Bollywood Concert starring Rajesh Khanna and Madhuri Dixit on El Bandido Prabhakaran. Prabhakaran, who is 101 years old, is incapable of moving his own arse let alone throw hand grenades... Kanu Katta in the drain! MP Gets Free Board and Lodging Shock! by our corr. Justice Bumlick-Wardena Supreme Courts (SCN 21-11-2004, Hulftsdorph) Today a Member of Parlyment, popularly known as Kanu-Katta ll ("Drain mouth") was sent to a four-star Welikada Hotel eka for two years! Habeas Corpus! The Judge His Hon. Sarath Alioluwa is famous for his wise judgements and once heard a case against himself and found himself "Not Guilty"!. Aiyo, cost of living is skyrocketting that even MP's go for free board and lodging and what is this country coming to...(Will that do Editor Madame?) Shocking! Positively shocking...! Learn About The Crazy Country! Chief Jailor Checks out Electric Chair! Shock! (Shock? - Ed!) Today the supreme commander-in-chief of Sri Lanka, President Chandrapala tried out the new electric chair at Welikada Prison, near Punchi Borella, Sri Lanka. With crime spiralling out of control and some of the criminals actually being police officers hanging was introduced last week. Having re-introduced the hanging the Garment found it difficult to buy rope. The USA came to the rescue and President W. Bush donated an unused electric chair from San Quentin Prison in the America. Democracy reigns supreme in Sri Lanka Christmas Postponed Shock! Hark! The Crazy Angels Sing? Sri Lanka today postponed Christmas until February because it clashed with the death anniversary of a Buddhist monk who died under mysterious circum...er circum...circumcisions..er...circuminstances in Russia. What If?: What if Rev. Gangodawila Somawathie Thero had died on Christmas Day? Tasteless Free Christmas Offer from Crazylanka.com Make Christmas Go With A Bang! In view of the increasing popularity of these 'must have' explosive devices Crazylanka dot com is pleased to offer an original Mills 32 hand grenade. Send $10 to cover p&p. Strictly one item per person! Full instructions and guarantee enclosed. Returned items must have firing pin intact! Do not employ at Bollywood concerts! Al-Queda Killed Sri Lanka Judge Shock Today an innocence man by the name of Potta Naufer, alias Abdul Hamid, alias Dematagoda Gafoor, alias Ifthikar al-Shabdi, alias Abdul the Bul-Bul Amir, alias The Sheikh of Araby, alias Lawrence of Arabia, alias Muhammed Ali, alias Cassius Clay...er..(That'sh enough aliases! Ed) was incarcerating..er incarcerated (that'sh a big word!) in remand prison for masterminding the killing of Justice Sarath Ambepitiya with the help of Police Officers! Shocking! No? Crazylanka on Full Alert! Advertisements Today Crazylanka HQ at Punchi Borella was under siege after the Supreme Court tried to send Crazylanka to prison for two years of hard labour for making fun of the Supreme Court. Crazylanka's defence was that they (the defendants) would not be making fun of the Supreme Court if the Supreme Court was not a joke in the first place. A large number of supporters including a number of Buddhist monks rushed to Punchi Borella... Situations Vacant Electrician: A vacancy exists for a Electric Chair Operator in Sri Lanka which recently reintroduced capital punishmenting. Previous experience not required but ability to change fuses essential. Apply with cv. Box 2543 Ads by Buduammoooooo

VOL 3 NO 22 Hanging Issue 21st November 2004 When things get really baaaaaaad, bring back hanging! A computer simulation of Judicial Hanging ©Marshall Vandruff Judge Shot Down Hanging Makes Comeback! by our corr. "per bono publico" who wants to remain an onymouse in case he too getting shot (SCN 21-11-2004, Hulftsdorph) Today a hanging judge who was just doing his duties was shot in cold blood and belately...er belated...er and afterwords The President bringing in the Hanging! What is the point, no? This is a case of shutting the garage door after the van has driven away, no? (Shurely, stable doors being shut after horse escape? - Ed). The Usual Suspects! Foremost among the suspects is El Bandido Prabhakarano since he was found guilty in absentia (that is a big word!) by the late judge. But thish is very unlikely since El Bandido not giving a toss if he was tried in absentia or in presentia!(There is no such expression! - Ed) This is leaving us with the Colombo Underworld Kudu Trade Corporation or the UNP or the JVP. We might even blame Catholics or Muslims whilst we are at it! The awful truthful is the country is in very, very, very bad shape and is in racking and ruining...Aiyo! Aney! Buy The Mistake: A Fifty-Eight -Year-Old-Child? How Rupavahini reported the news "58 year old high court judge, Ambepitiya was a father of a child who was gunned down one day before his 58th birth day." SCN Sri Lanka Crazy News! The Most Serious news source in Sri Lanka Hurrah! Hanging is back! There is more to come! We examine the advantages of Hanging, Drawing and Quartering as opposed to pure hanging! We also compare Hanging against the Electric Chair (Unfortunately the power supply in Sri Lanka is unreliable!) Brand New! The new gallows constructed yesterday at Magazine Prison, Punchi Borella. Buddhist Country Brings Back Hanging! "Is it OK to hang people on a Poya Day?" We ask! "Should People Going To The Gallows On A Poya Day Have One Last Drink Of Arrack? " We Ask! How about smoking? Is that last cigarette before the gallows bad for your health? Situations Vacant Hangman: A vacancy exists for a Hangman in Sri Lanka which recently reintroduced hanging. Previous experience not required but ability to tie knots essential. Apply with cv. Box 2543 Ads by Buduammoooooo Historical Note: Hanging was probably introduced to Sri Lanka by the hated British but was abolished after Independence. Following the assassination of Solomon West Ridgeway Dias Bandaranayake, the father of President Chandrapala, hanging was re-introduced. One of the first guys to get it in the neck after this was Rev. Thalduwe Somarama Thero, the man convicted of assassinating old SWRD. History sort of repeats itself! The daughter brings back hanging! Learn About The Crazy Country!

VOL 3 NO 21 Anthrax Issue 26th October 2004 In the war against stupidity humour is the best weapon! Monk Gets New Robes! Free! by our corr. Buddhadasa Atapirikarasingha (SCN Punchi Borella Temple 24-10-2004) Today Aiyo a Buddhist monk was humiliating buy...by the Candian...Canadian Embessy by asking him to remove the robings because he suspect of having the Anthrax. Thish poor monk just putting Malathion in passport to keep Dengue mosski..mosquit...er maduruwo away...and what ish wrong with that? These Canadians should be sent back to Candy...er Canada..(hic!) CLICK PIC FOR MORE IDIOCY Blocked Toilets on Train Makes Stink! Train gets Bogged Down? (Bogged?) Get it? Trains Running On Wathura..er Water! by our corr. Norma Palihawadana (Garment News) Today the Glorious garment of President Chandrapala the Fist.. er.. First (You are sacked! - Ed) ran trains entirely on water! This was a miracle. After all if Jesus Christ could walk on water why can't Sri Lankans run trains on water (You will be struck down by lightening! - God). Most peepul..er people are now very, very, very..(aargh!) happy with the garment. There is a lot of rice...(will that do sir?) Sinking or the swimming! Aiyo Nobody knowing! Free Offer Plantation Workers Pee On Tea Bushes Shock! Tea Prices Fall By our corr. Balasingham "Orange Pekoe" Thondaman (SCN) of St Jean Estate, Rozella. Today the Sri Lanka tea market was in a free fall when it was revealed that Tamil plantation workers regularly urinate on tea bushes. A spokesman for the United Tea Plantation Workers Union said "Ennadah! The company not giving us field toilets so we piss on the tea!" The government of Glorious Chandrapala has three Ministerial portfolios on offer. Only members of the SLMC may apply. Box 3254 Ads by Gaaaaargle

VOL 3 NO 20	Another Idiotic Issue	14th October 2004
In the war against stupidity humour is the best weapon!
Sleepless Nights! by our corr. Hela Urumasekera (SCN Punchi Borella 20-10-04) Aiyo! The work of a great World Leader is never done and so what is wrong in falling asleep during boring folk dance eka?Other nasty newspapers in the Sri Lanka saying that she was drinking but that is absolute alcohol...er..absolutely rubbishing... CLICK IMAGE FOR MORE INSANITY A Doctor Says The usual and commonest cause for falling asleep in public is late nights at a nightclub mixed with alcohol. There is also a very, very, very,...(That'sh enough very! - Ed) rare condition called Narcolepsy which I can treat if you visit me at Apollo Private Hospital or anyother private hospital. You won't fall asleep again when you see my bill...
Tiger Supremo Gets New Uniform by our corr. Sivaloganathan Palanivellvettithuraisingham of Kankesanthurai (SCN 25-10-2004) Toddy,...er I mean Today, the El Supremo moustachio-ed short-arse of the Eelam Tiger Organisation, a man by the name of Veerappan..er I mean..Prabhakaran, was spotted in a new uniform designed for him by some Tamils living in Norway. (hic!) Prabhakaran runs a wildlife centre in the North of Sri Lanka known as the Eelam Safari Park. Norwegian tourists have been flocking in great numbers to see these animals... (Picture and original caption from "Lanka Truth". Story greatly jazzed up by Crazylanka. Original caption: "The organization named ‘Liberal Democratic Tamils’ in Norway launched an anti Tiger campaign to protest the visit of Tigers in Norway (sic - Ed)")
Lankans Attempt Mass Rail Suicide By our corr. Ruhunu Kumarasinghe Today a number of Sri Lankans who had met up on the internet decided to commit mass suicide at Colombo Fart Station by sitting in the path of a train.
Fort Railway Station officials tried to run a few trains despite the strike. When a long distance train was readied for a run, angry short-distance commuters placed benches on the track and protested. (Thish is normal behaviour in Sri Lanka! - Ed) Train Busts Man's Arse! Shock!	Unfortunately trains were not running because of a strike. In Sri Lanka the railway sevice is not very reliable but Folidol and other organophosphorus based insecticides are more reliable. Shri Lanka having high suicide rate in ...(That will do! - Ed!)
	More Rail Suicides!
	Above: Another idiot Sri Lankan bus driver tries to outrun a train and survives. Fortunately for all concerned the train driver just went on strike and stopped the train. Going on strike without prior warning is normal practice in Sri Lanka (Unknown photographer) The photographer appears to be standing in the middle of the road. Idiot!
How five little babies exposed the illiteracy of the JVP! For more pics of the quintuplet birth click the above image!	Lanka Cop Produces Quintuplets JVP Lanka Truth Murders Queen! by our corr. Collin Dickshionary of Cambridge We at Crazylanka had to change our latest edition very quickly when a JVP website by the name of Lanka Truth surpassed us in the art of writing bad English! Crazylanka and their prestidigitous newspaper the Daily Pol Thel have been hard pressed to produce bad Engrishy for the amusement of our readers. Lanka Truth, a JVP Commie Pol Pot Stinko website, on the other hand, seems to manage it effortlessly. (We of course appreciate that the official language (Langaje?) of Sri Lanka is not English.....Maybe that is the problem with the old Republic! - Ed.) How The Lanka Truth reported the happy event! "A lady from Kandy has yesterday given birth to quintuplet babies at the Castle Maternity hospital Chamen Weerasekara the tasteful mother has been lamenting for five years without pregnancy suspecting herself infertile the five infants three femail and two male, are doing well healthy enough the hospital sources reported." (And whilst you are there, do look out for this delightful copyright warning! - Ed) "Any news published by Lankatruth is available for reprint (sic!) or publish (sic!) under the conditions that no deformation (sic!) done and proper credits given to the Lankatruth News Line." Sadly, after we wrote this the imbeciles at Lanka Truth have changed their website! - Ed Google Joins Crazylanka Shock! Google, a very, very, very (That'sh enough very! - Ed) small company in a place called California is now part of the Crazylanka-McMalupaan Corporation of Punchi Borella. The advertisements are from Google. Do click on them so that Google can earn some money!
Man Throws Ball And Claims Record
Today a man by the name of Shane Warnekulasuriya threw a ball and claimed a record (contd on page 101 ad nauseam)

VOL 3 NO 19	Gamini Fonseka Special Tissue	1st October 2004
Faymouse Actor Dies But Politicians Still Live! Country Weeps! By our corr. the late Wijaya Kumaratunge from SCN Hollywood (which is in Los Angeles) Today a famous Sri Lankan polit...er Actor...er Actor-politician died and the country is shedding large tears of saddness and sorrow and aiyo appoii...(Get on with it! - Ed) Gamini Fonseka (who is not related to Carlo Fonseka) died of a cardiorespiratory failure. He was a good man like his role in the film "Hitha Honda Minihek" ("Man with Good Heart") but unfortunately his heart was not good and he die of heart attack! World leader Chandrapala said... His Leading Lady Malini Fonseka (no relation) was in tears... The Late Gamini Fonseka President Malini Chandrapala of Sri Lanka who was also in tears about the state of her Garment.... In spite of our silliness we do offer our sincere condolences to the family of Gamini Fonseka - Crazylanka Another faymouse Sri Lankan actor Anura Airport (right) with Che Guevara in the film "Motorcycle Diaries" More to come! It is the bloody weekend and we are not going to waste time writing web pages...Come back on Monday...allright!? Bugger! It is already Monday! Confusion Over Appointment of Top Kossa! Outgoing police chief Indra de Silva and his successor for the hot seat Chandra Fernando share a joke in a convivial mood during last week’s meeting with their top brass at police headquarters. (Pic by Kamal Wanniarachchi) Other News Prices not coming down but going up! The prices of rice, buth-packets, dry fish and McMalupaan was going up today and the cost of living is Aiyo Appoi! (except in Eelam where the correct expression is "Ennadah!") But according to the prestidigitous Sri Lankan arsepaper, The Daily Noise everything is coming down in price..(not contd on page 101) Buth Packets To Be Imported From India Today according to informed sources, Millions of Buth Packets are to be imported from India to help the starving masses of Chandrikastan..(not contd on page 101) Buth Packets To Be Exported To India Today according to the state controlled media, Sri Lanka was EXPORTING Buth packets to India to help the poor starving masses of India because we have had a good harvest in the Sri Lanka because of our Glorious Chandrawathi..(contd on page 101) Nasty Arabs Bugger Up Sri Lankan Economy Nasty Arabs, who are Muslims and not Buddhist, are increasing the oil prices so our Glorious economy under The Great President Chandrapala (right) is in racking and ruining but she did do a talk to the United Nations and contradicted George Bush which might help matters...(contd on page 101) Man Buys Daily Newspaper Shock! Today there was widespread confusion and shock in Colombo, the capital of Sri Lanka, when a man actually bought a copy of the state controlled arsepaper "The Daily Noise". The man, a long time resident of the Mental Hospital at Mulleriyawa was later...(contd on page 101) Deaf Old Women Share One Ear! These two old ladies are so poor that they have only one ear between them. Nandawathi (right) is using her twin sister Seelawathi's ear so she can hear. There is a serious shortage of ears in Sri Lanka. There are more crazy pics at Crazylankapics Man not killed in Grenade Attack Shock! Today there was widespread shock in Colombo when no one got killed by a hand grenade. "Thish is the first time in years!" said 85 yr old Juvanis Appuhamy of 1st Cross Street Pettah. "Everyday we are having gangland killing but not today". Police later confirmed that there had been no incidents of hand grenade throwing in Colombo in the past 48 hrs! Powered by

VOL 3 NO 18	Olympics Special................................	9th Sept 2004
Lanka Handball Team Disappears In Germany Shock!
Policeman Shoots Policeman Shock! Aiyo Why? LINK
Lanka Handball Team Disappears In Germany Shock! Den Handballern auf der Spur Drei Tage nach dem Verschwinden von Sri Lankas Handball-Nationalmannschaft gibt es eine erste Spur. Bei der Dillinger Polizei hat sich ein Taxifahrer gemeldet. Der Mann gab an, dass er und ein Kollege mit zwei Taxis neun der Spieler zum Günzburger Bahnhof gebracht haben. Unterdessen wurde auch bekannt, dass es in Sri Lanka gar keinen registrierten Handballverband gibt. (Nicht sportz! - Ed)
FREE! DVD and POSTER OFFER! HOLLYWOOD BUDDHA Crazylanka is pleased to offer the DVD and poster of this latest Arsebuster from Bollywood. Holly Buddhs has been banned from all Buddhist countries including Thighland, Laos and ..er Kandy. The DVD and the poster are blank so as not to offend Buddhists who are yet to see the film but are nevertheless complaining about it. Just send us $9.99 (to cover postal and packing charges) and we will send you both. Your rights as a consoomer have just been buggered! Latest: Sri Lanka to register "Buddha" as a trademark! Colombo, Sep 16 (IANS) Angry over a US-based film advertisement that shows a man sitting on top of a Buddha statue, the Sri Lanka government plans to rope in Unesco to prevent misuse of Buddha images for commercial purposes.
SRI LANKA BIDS FOR NEXT OLYMPIC GAMES, 2012. Lanka Handball Team Disappears In Germany Shock! Olympic Torching, Sri Lankan style! Original Logotoons by Kumaran of Singapore By our sports cor.Kalu Dodol reporting from the Galle Face Hotel Eka (9-9-04) Today the Pry Minister Rajapassa of The Glorioush Republic of Chandrikashtan announced that the Garment had made a bid for the next Olympic Games. He said that the present games lacked charisma, style, and a true reflection of everyday life. "Take for instance the High Jump event" he said," Everyday in Sri Lanka, we have thugs scaling their neighbours' walls, well over 9 feet, after having raped the girl next door. If caught, they are either given a sound thrashing or 'bunged' in jail, but never qualifies for a "Gold"! "We also have a lot of other traditional games that we excelling in!" "Also we now how to carry the torch. Most people have been doing that for years going after MPs or setting fire to houses" he added. Shieg Hiel! (which is very difficulty to shay when drunk) Olympics, Berlin 1932..er.Shorry! Shri Lanka in..er...in..2012 A famous Sri Lankan athlete wins Gold for the "Passing The Buck" event Olympicfootboarding, a sport that Sri Lankans excell in!
Hurdles. Sri Lankan student style! Olympic Three-Wheeling!	Traditional Sri Lankan Games Today the Sri Lanka Ministry of Sports produced a list of traditional sports: Athuru Mithuru Panchi Keliya Soodu Keliya Guti Keliya Muss Keliya Maskeliya (That'sh enough of Keliya! - Ed) Paga Gaheema Ice Gaheema Kudu Sellama Hora Polis Chewing of the Betel Spitting of the BetelGuese Chucking of the Grenade Scratching of the Arse Riding of the Footboard Bribing of the Minister Being Chased By The Minister.. Throwing of the Grenade Foreign Missionaries Attempt Conversion!...To Buddhism? Chinese Buddhist delegation here to propagate Theravada Buddhism Sept 06, Colombo (Colombo Page) A Buddhist delegation from the Yunnan Province of the People's Republic of China is currently visiting the country in a bid to spread Theravada Buddhism (Surely shome mishtake! Sri Lanka not already Buddish? - Ed). Auntie Conversion! "Thish is very, very bad!" said Rev. Narampannawe Rathanajothi of the Hunnasgiriya Chapter. "For centuries we have had a monopoly on religion in thish Glorious country and now the Chinese are trying to get their hands on the idiot masses...er...I mean the glorious masses! The Garment should bring in the Aunty-Conversion Bill soon otherwise we will be without Dhana!" "The Chinese Buddish Monks should not be allowed to open Chinese Restaurants" said Cyril "Balal Muss" Wijesekera of Narahenpita, the spokesperson of the Association of Sri Lankan Chinese Restaurants (AssLCRs) "Religion is the Chinese Restaurant of the masses!" said the late Karl Marx from his grave in Northgate Cemetery, North London. CARDBOARD BUDDHA A Buddhist monk holds a poster of the Hollywood film 'Hollywood Buddha' during a protest led by Patriotic National Movement, outside the US Embassy in Colombo, Sri Lanka, Monday, Sept.13, 2004. The monks demanded a ban on the film whose advertisement show a man seated on the head of a Buddha statue. According to Buddhist belief, touching the head, the most sacred part of the body, is considered highly offensive. (AP Photo/Eranga Jayawardena) Halle Berry NOT in Film Shock! crazylanka.com SCN, Srilanka Crazy News and the slogan "We weed out the serious news" are trademarks of the Crazylanka-McMaluPaan Corp. VOL 3 NO 24 Tsunami Issue! 27th December 2004 Contribute to the disaster fund through LacNet T. Sunami from Indonesia is coming: A typical joke circulating in Sri Lanka! .....On prime minister's return, the operator told prime minister about the call, said T. Sunami from Indonesia is arriving in 2 hrs. Prime Minister promptly took action to send a delegation to Katunayake Airport with name boards saying'Welcome Mr. T. Sunami - Indonesia'.. IT'S HERE! The Crazylanka TSUNAMI BULLSHIT Page! What The Sri Lankan and World Media had to say about The Tsunami! Aiyo Breaking News: New Tsunami Forces Moustache Rajapaksa and JVP Pol-Pots off Velvetithurai! Residents throw masalavaddai! Dec 30 (AP) Bodyguards whisked Sri Lanka's prime minister away from a meeting with ethnic-Tamil tsunami quake victims Thursday after some victims hit journalists and a soldier with wooden poles.Thursday, December 30, 2004 · Last updated 4:16 a.m. PT Sri Lanka leader leaves tsunami meeting By SHIMALI SENANAYAKE ASSOCIATED PRESS WRITER COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- Bodyguards whisked Sri Lanka's prime minister away from a meeting with ethnic-Tamil tsunami quake victims Thursday after some victims hit journalists and a soldier with wooden poles. Prime Minister Mahinda Rajapakse, four Cabinet ministers, military officials and a media contingent flew to the island's northern coast to inspect the devastation and speak to residents close to Valvedditturai, the home town of the leader of the Tamil rebels, Vellupillai Prabhakaran. TSUNAMI APPEAL: Help Our Ministers! Latest News: Ministers' lost Mercedes to be replaced. An Urgent Appeal: All Ministers who's luxury cars have been swept away by the Tsunami are urged to come forward and claim their new vehicles as a matter of urgency. Did You Know? Tsunami: The Japanese word "Tsunami" (pronounced "tsunami"!) means "Fat Idiot (imbecile) Minister Has Jumped Into The Sea And (is) Causing Big Waves!" A sobering thought: The number of people killed by the Tsunami is nowhere near that killed by the civil war! Tempting Fate? (SCN Punchi Borella 29-12-2004) Queen Vihara Maha Devi News emerging from our totally unreliable and drunken correspondents indicate that prior to the Tsunami Our Queen Vihara Maha Chandrani tempted fate by declaring herself as Queen Vihara Maha Devi! Aiyo What Idiocy? According to our drunken corrs. approx a month ago at Nilwala Bridge at Matara El Presidente unveiled something or the other and engaged in delusions of grandeur. This is of course unsubshtanshiated..er...unshub..er.. Queen Chandrika Maha Devi Tsunami Hits Sri Lanka! Aiyo Why Aney? by our corr. Diyasena Waturagama (SCN 27-12-2004) History repeated itself today when the sea came in suddenly and unexpectedly (except that Americans monitoring the earthquake near Sumatra knew about it, tried phoning Sri Lankan authorities and were met by the query "Mokada Hullo?".) The last time the country was inundated by the sea was during the time of King KelaniTissa. The King sacrificed his daughter to the sea. She was known as Vihara Maha Devi. (The King later built a power station near Grandpass) Idiot Sri Lankans watch waves at Galle Face after Tsunami struck! People never learn and thousands of years later we get inundated again and what do people do? They go to the beach to see the sea! What idiocy? Neda aney? Fat Anura to be Sacrificed to the Sea? Shock! Fat sacrifice to the sea? Tsunami Cancel Concert! (Above) Japanese pop duo "Tsunami" (above) Never flush toilets when train is standing at platform! UNP Responsible For Earthquake Claim! There were irresponsible claims today that the UNP and Ranil Wickremesinghe in particularly, were responsible for setting off the earthquake. A spokesman for the JVP said that.... Chief Justice To Prosecute The Chief Justice, Sarath Bighead, today said that he was prepared to prosecute those responsible for the Tsunami especially if it was the work of the UNP. The sentence for setting off a tidal wave is two years imprisonment. Tsunami Cancel Concert The Japanese pop duo "Tsunami" who were due to give a concert in Sri Lanka have cancelled the event. At first when people heard that "Tsunami is coming!" most people thought it was the pop duo and ran to buy tickets.. Fat Anura To Be Sacrificed To The Sea? There were rumours that Presidente Chandrapala, in an immitation of King Kelani Tissa, might sacrifice her fat brother Anura Airport to the waves. There is a worry that throwing his immense bulk into the sea might trigger off another Tsunami! Prisoner Escapes! In the confusion of the Tsunami several prisoners, including a notorious prisoner by the name of S.B. Dissanayake - the jailed MP, are thought to have escaped.. Contribute to the disaster fund through LacNet