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VOL 3 NO 5..........................................................Nominations Issue
Well Balanced Reporting By our corr. Ariyadasa Dekatanewila, Chairman of State Information Corporation SIC (who has a European bank account and two chidren in Harrow and who might be the next Sri Lankan Ambassador to any country with a McDonalds.. )...(24-2-2004) State Controlled Media Coverage Of Elections is fair! "Sri Lankan Shtate Media are well balanced!" say all the Tourishts who are coming to the Glorious Republick as observers to...to act as Umpires in the forthcoming election...er...cricket match between Sri Lanka and Australia...cricket? Australiaghh? Wrong Shtory?...AaaaaGh!
VOTE FOR HER! Above: A very large highly pixelated pic of El Presidente..	Left: FAMOUS WELL KNOWN GREATLY RESPECTED PRESIDENTE OF GLORIOUS SRI LANKA WHO IS GOING TO WIN THE ELECKSHUN! Good Luck To Her and May The Best Woman Win! Right: PM who is going to lose the election! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Copyright Eka © State Information Corporation Controlled Media (SICCM) but maybe freely distributed during eleckshions!	A small pic of the ..er..er..PM
		Very, very, very small pic of a very small person in Sri Lankan Politiks! A schmaller pic! A dot!
Kelesh Nasa Nivam Dhakithi Politicians Shave Heads To Contest Elections! By our corr. Devanam Piyatissa of Mihintale (SCN 20-2-2004) Today there was widespread confusion in the country when some politicians shaved their heads off, donned saffron robes and handed in nominations to contest the forthcoming elections... Dhanno Buddungé! "Thish is a good idea!" said Jayasena Pagamaruwa who was until recently the MP for Nagas Handiya West electorate. Yesterday he bought some Atapirikara and a Remington TM shaver and changed his name to Rev Jayagoshara Pragñaseela. "I need to brush up on my Pali and Gatha and give up the Arrack but it should be plain sailing!" he said. Left: Former MP becomes a monk to contest elections (Pic: Lanka Chronicle modified by crazylanka), Even the generally subdued and politically correct cartoonist of the Daily Mirror had a dig at the new breed of politicians! (Toon: Daily Mirror 21-2-2004) REMINGTONTM SALES UP! The sales of Remington TM shavers reached an all-time high in Colombo, the capital of Sri Lanka. This was reflected in the Colombo Shtock Exchange when shares of... (cont on page 6) Nominations so far.... Borella West Electorate: Rev. PunchiBorellé Gñañsekera Thero (JHU, Conch shell) Rev. Dharmadasa Panchaseela (Formerly "Podi Dharmé") (UNP, Elephant) Rev. Siriseela Pandugñaña (Formerly "Bandakka Siri") (SLFP, Hand) Rev. Abdul Hamidwansa (Formerly "Abdul Hamid") (Al Queda, Hand Grenade) Rev. Velupaksha Gñañalingam (Formerly "Koti Gñaña") (TULF, Landmine) Rev. Jathipremi Urumawansa (Formerly Tylvin Pol-Pot)... (That'sh enough Revs! - Ed) Should it be "Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!" or......? Buddhist monks march in a street after they left a Buddhist temple in the Sri Lankan capital Colombo to file nomination papers for upcoming parliamentary polls(AFP) McMalupaan Corporation of Punchi Borella, publishers of The Daily Pol-Thel. A non-political crazy organisation. We make fun of everybody and anything! OTHER NEWS "Should Politicians Contest Elections?" Asks Rev. Narampanawé Rathanajothi of the Hunnasgiriya electorate. (Page 110) "Should Buddhist Monks Contest Elections?" Asks everyone (page 111) On Other Pages: Rani And Chandrapala To Shave Heads? Shock! MP Has Narrow Shave! (Shave! Get it? - Ed) Parliament Catering Services To Change To Dhana! ..............Meanwhile north of the border the Tower of Babel grows!...... "Sinhala Only" election materials irk NorthEast officials [TamilNet, February 20, 2004 17:54 GMT] NorthEast officials responsible for conducting the forthcoming elections are irked at their Colombo counterparts for sending instructions and other election materials in "Sinhala only," thereby causing procedural snarl at the NorthEast election offices, officials in Jaffna said. Neither English copies nor Tamil translations accompany the received election material, according the same sources.

VOL 3 NO 4.......................................................Election Soap Issue 2004
The War Of The Posters Gets Nasty! "Who Killed Kumaratunga?" Elections Make Strange Bed fellows! Anuruddha Lokupukaarachchi and Rotters Undermine JVP! REUTERS/Anuruddha Lokuhapuarachchi Reuters - Feb 15 8:26 AM A Sri Lankan man walks past a poster of Wijaya Kumaratunga captioned 'Who Killed Wijaya,' in Colombo February 15, 2004. Kumaratunga, a former movie star, was the husband of Sri Lanka President Chandrika Kumaratunga. Unidentified gunmen killed him in February 16, 1988. At the time, Kumaratunga blamed the killing on the Marxist JVP, with whom her Sri Lanka Freedom Party signed an election alliance in January 2004. REUTERS/Anuruddha Lokuhapuarachchi Reuters - Feb 15 8:26 AM Who Thish? Click image Sri Lanka Has More Elections Than Bolivia! Shock! by our corr. Presidente "Goni" of La Paz, Bolivia (SCN 9-2-2004) Today the International Association Of Election Monitors (IAOEM) said that Sri Lanka is about to break the record for the greatest number of elections held since.........At present Bolivia holds this proud record. PRESIDENTE CHANDRIKA PROMISES CLEAN ELECTION CAMPAIGN! By our corr. Norman Pandamwadana (SCN 9-2-2004) Advertisement For A Clean Election Campaign Always Use McMalupaan Corporation of Punchi Borella, publishers of The Daily Pol-Thel. A non-political crazy organisation. We make fun of everybody and anything! and A MadPage Production... From the time of King (King?) Vijaya to Sir (Sir?) Frederick North.... Starring Queen Anula! The Garment of Her Supreme commander etc...(and other rubbish) Chandrika Airport Kumaratunga promised etc (and more rubbish!) Advertisement Other Chandrika Products Guaranteed To Wash Cleaner Than Rani's Sandalwood Soap! Click to buy Chandrika Soap! LEFT: Ranil's Sandalwood Soap The Soap Of Beauty Queens! Doesn't he look pretty? Editorial small print: Rani Sandalwood Soap, like Marmite, is one of those enduring products that most Sri Lankans remember with considerable nostalgia! In the 1960s all Sri Lankan girls had a faint aroma of sandalwood (at least the ones we got close enough to!) We are pleased to note that the company is still in business. Click here to go to their site. SERIOUS NOTE: None of the images above have been modified. If you do a Google image search for chandrika you will find all these images... WHAT IS THISH? We found this (left) on a Finnish web page. (CLICK IMAGE) What the hell is this? Is it an insult? "Chandrika Saippua! Ado!..." Can somebody enlighten us?
PARLIAMENT DISSOLVES! LEAVES BAD TASTE IN MOUTH COMING SOON! Murders, Violence, General Shedding of Blood and More Murders! Stay with us folks for news of the Election Campaign!
Infant Girl Dies After 2nd Head Removed By PETER PRENGAMAN, Associated Press Writer SANTO DOMINGO, Dominican Republic - An infant girl born with a second head bled to death Saturday after complex surgery to remove her partially formed twin, her parents and doctors said. A medical team completed the 11-hour operation Friday night and said 8-week-old Rebeca Martinez died seven hours later. Doctors had warned after the surgery that the girl would be at great risk of infection or hemorrhaging. APOLOGIES: We apologise to the parents of this unfortunate girl in the Dominican Republic....	Democracy Dies In Srilanka After Second Head Is Removed! Today Democracy died in Sri Lanka when a power-crazed woman by the name of Chandrapala removed the Head Mistress Rani (Head! Get it?) by means of bloodless surgery Doctors warned after the surgery that the girl Sri Lanka would be at great risk of infection or hemorrhaging. APOLOGIES: We apologise to the parents of this unfortunate girl in the Srilankan Republic....
ELECTION 2004 STRATEGY CHANDRAPALA'S PARTY RANI'S PARTY Intimidation, False propaganda, Thuggery, Murder, Rape and More Murder, Vote Rigging, Ballot Papers Disappearing...(That'sh enough shtrategy! - Ed) Intimidation, False propaganda, Thuggery, Murder, Rape and More Murder, Vote Rigging, Ballot Papers Disappearing...(That'sh enough shtrategy! - Ed) VELUPILLAI'S PARTY Ha! Ha! Ha! Theshe Shingalish Idiots are self destructing! We no have to do nothing! Madayans! Sanniyans! Ennadah! Passh the Toddy! Hic! Any Vaddai left?

VOL 3 NO 3 ................................................Bolivian Diary....Bolivianu Dinapotha...
INDEPENDENCE DAY! Rani and Chandrapala in Love Again by our corr. I. O. Sirisena (SCN 4-2-2004) Aiyo what ish thish problem about Pry Minister Rani and Preshiden Chandrapala not getting on together? They are in love again! We are having photo proof! CHECK LINK
Che Guevera's "Bolivian Diary" launched in Sinhala by Irangika Range(Daily Noise 31-1-2004) "Bolivianu Dinapotha", journalist Malinee Govinnage's Sinhala translation of Ernesto Che Guevara's Bolivian Diary was launched at the National Library and Documentation Service Board auditorium.
A Historical Masterpiece Tylwin's "Bolivian Diary" Published in Sinhala by our corr. Fidel Castro (SCN SriLanka Crazy News, Havana) Today was a great day in the people's struggle against the Imperialist, American-Backed, Puppet Garment of Señor Ranil when Tylwin Ché Guevara's famous "Bolivian Diary" was translated into Sinhala. There was an immediate and dramatic improvement in the quality of the poor people's lives. In the 1960's, the now iconic Tylwin, gave his life in the cause of the peoples in the historic battles of the Wellawaya area. Unfortunately, the whole revolution became a fiasco when some Guerillas attacked Wellawaya Police Station one day earlier than scheduled. Tylvin was captured on the 8th of October 1967, by the puppet forces of the Garment backed by the CIA and was executed the next day. Since then Tylwin's face has adorned cheap T-shirts... The story behind the picture It was taken by the Cuban photographer Alberto Korda (Alberto Diaz Gutierrez) who worked for the Cuban newspaper "Revolucion" after Fidel Castro's forces took power in 1959. More about the picture OTHER NEWS Magistrate Attacked With Marmite! Cops look for toast and butter... GARMENT TO BAN MARMITE®! SHOCK In the aftermath of the attempted murder of a Magistrate at Mount Lavinia the Garment in its great wisdom is to ban Marmite®. "We have always known that Marmite® was dangeroush!" said a Garment spokesminiha. "Why else would they pack it in bomb shaped jars?" ® Most of us still love Marmite® partly because of the nostalgia involved. Over the years many things have changed but not Marmite®. Follow the links for Marmite® info | I Love Marmite | The Marmite Story | The Great T-Shirt Debate In the great T-shirt debate there is no doubt that Ernesto Che Guevara comes up trumps. Would you buy a Tylvin T-shirt? Or for that matter one with Rani's face on it? Chandrika? Fat Anura? Very definitely not! T-shirts with the famous image of Ché outsell all other T-shirts! A less than well-endowed-in-the-chest-department model wearing an original CHé ™ T-shirt Note: Che Guevara is in the middle of the t-shirt. Warning: The trade name CHé ™ is the intellectual property of the McMalupaan Corp! So there! Should Marmite be banned in Sri Lanka? Marmite® is a by-product of the brewing industry and is against our Buddhist principles of abstinance (Sura Meraya Majja Pama ...etc) Marmite® was originally animal feed! Marmite® is a Capitalist product which drains the economy of the country. Marmite® has traces of Vitamin B which is bad. (You sure? - Ed) Marmite® tastes like... (You are sacked! - Ed) "Ahhh Ammo! bish! bash! crash thud!" and other sounds of copywriter being strangled offstage by Ed... Marmite® is now the trade mark of Unilever UK and as far as we are aware is still largely manufactured in Burton-on-Trent. The Editorial Board of Crazylanka loves Marmite! We always have Marmite®-and-butter-on-toast at all our board meetings
Serious note: The Editor and the editorial staff are great admirers of Dr. Ernesto "Ché" Guvera de la Serna (Born 14th June1928 at Rosario, Argentina. Killed 9th of October 1967, near Villagrande, Bolivia.) We apologise to true admirers of Che for writing this spoof article and taking the great man's name in vain but there are a lot of idiots who have jumped on the Che bandwagon.....The English translation of "Bolivian Diary" is available at Amazon.com
Wedding Passes Off Peacefully! Only Two Killed! by our corr Namini Palihawadana, Colombo 21-1-2004 Aiyo! Inspite of dire predictations by Capitalist War Mongering Catholic Tamil Jewish and..and...other non-Sinhala Buddish persons keen on bringing down the Presidency of Her Majesty.. (Ikmanin Liyapang Yako! - Ed) ... Chandralatha Horagolla got married to that nice Tylwin boy.. Only two peoples were killed! Aiyo! Guests at wedding or is this Ascot? My friend Harris "Lanka Chronic" Hulugalla has got some interesting pics! Meanwhile
How Other Publications Reported The Marriage Of The Year
Dateline: It could be any day. We write the same rubbish everyday! Now that the Evil Forces of Rani have been neutralised and with it, his..er..her best friend Saddam Velupillai, Sri Lanka can look forward to another year of Milk and Honey as we always do when we, the Associated Newspapers of Sri Lanka, are controlled by the Garment...otherwise it will be bloodshed. Many Editors lose their jobs..Aney Appoi! Read the Madpage revision of the Mahavamsa!	DAILY MAHAVAMSA 21 Duruthu, BC85 Today a very, very, very bad, bad, baaaaad, woman by the name of Queen Anula Chandrani got married again. She was formely married to many, many suitors including a nice film actor chap but he died . She seriously Allianced with a gatekeeper by the name of Dhamila Vatuka. Anula then formed alliances with a guy with a moustach..and then with another gatekeeper by the name of Rani . There were several guys called Tissa as well but never mind...Now she marries that woodcarrier Tilwin Pol Pot...How long is this sillyness going to go on? Meanwhile that Dhamila guy Velu is in control of ..
The Acts, IX (© The Bible) The Conversion Of St. Paul-Pot Chapter IX 1. And Lo! It came to pass that in the Land of the Sinhalites was a man called Paul-Pot who was a Marxist and wreaketh havoc on the Capitalites in the 1960s in the name of Che Guevara. There was considerable gnashing of teeth and weeping at that time and many were slewed and blood floweth like Milk and Honey shouldeth have. But memories are short! 2. Time passeth and there came upon the land a woman by the name of Chand-Rekah or Chandri-kha who ruleth the land but favoured the tribe known as the Eselefpee who's leader groweth a moustach of hideous proportions but loseth the election. 3. And Lo! Who should cometh into rule but another woman called Rahneel or Rani. The women disliketh each other intensely and fight and throweth insults at each other and teareth each other's cloth as well as scratch eyes out. 4. And Paul-Pot, yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the Capitalites went on the road to Damascus also known as Kotte. And as he journeyed and came near Kotte and suddenly there shined around him a light from heaven And he fell to the earth and heard Chandrikha's voice say "Paul-Pot! Paul Why not thou joineth me!" 5. And Paul was blinded but sayeth "Lord I am a Marxist and I kill Capitalists. That is my job. But I am prepared to forget the past and join ye but it will cost ye!" 6. And so it came to pass that on twentieth day of January in the Year of our Lord 2004 Paul-Pot was converted from Marxism to a milder form of Marxism (Milder form of Marxism?-God) which is said not to involve killing but we shall see! 7. Meanwhile in the Land of the Eelamites there ruleth......(to be continued)

VOL 3 NO 2..............................................................PA JVP NUPTIALS ISSUE
	Heartbreaking News! Chandrani To Get Married Again! What A Woman! Rani "Not Invited" Shock! by our corr. Norman Wijedasa SCN Punchi Borella 19-1-2004 "Lakspray and Treacle" to flow! predicts Astrologer..
"This woman is mad!" says Rani, the spurned Groom. "She will get married to anything to stay in power!" Wedding Belle! Today the Presidente of Colombo announced that she was getting married yet again. Presidente Chandrani whose sphere of influence was rapidly diminishing, got married to the Chief Justice in a secret ceremony only the other day. That appears to have extended her term of office in the increasingly shrinking Peoples Republik of Colombo (Formerly Sri Lanka). Multi-Barreled Name Chandrani Horagolla-Solomon-West-Ridgeway-Dias-Bandaranaike-Airport-Kumaratunge, the Bride-to-be appeared at a press conference looking radiant like all brides do before the wedding. In a not so secret ceremony this week she is to get married to Tylwyn Pol-Pot of the Che Guevara party which was responsible for the death of...(Continued on page 6) EDITORIAL PREVIOUS HUSBANDS What a woman!" says Crazylanka. Just when you thought she was old and fading. Just when you thought she was ready for the recycled parts market at Panchikawatte..Just when you thought.. Our girl Chandrani has been married more times than Elizabeth Taylor! And that'sh a lot of husbands! We remember her in the 1950's when she was a schoolgirl at St. Brides Convent School, Colombo. We later remember her as the daughter of the first woman Pry Minister. We also remember her when on one memorable occasion she poked me in the eye... Passh the Arrack Ado! Advertisement FRIENDS REUNITED! Where are they now? Wonder how many of your terrorist chums of the old JVP are active? Wonder what they are doing now? Remember the good old days? Remember how we attacked Police Stations? Remember the training camps? Remember the slaughter? GO TO JVP REUNITED We have a comprehensive database of former JVP terrorists.... Chandrani's Horoscope Good! "Chandrani's Horoscope Good!" so said Professor Fraud Paranawitharana a well known Astrologer of Nagas Handiya. Speaking from his wooden office shack the well known fraud and drunk said that the marriage will be blessed with Lakspray and Treacle (Kiri-Peni) and that the couple will go on to... On Other Pages: Why Oh Why Rani Not Getting The Invite! "Future Of Ceasefire Good!" says Astrologer high on Cocaine. Apollo Hospital to become Prison Hospital! Shock! Archbish. Palace (Palace?!) not yet firebombed! Husband No 1: The Late Vijaya Kumaratunge, Film Star and good guy missed by one and all and assassinated by Ernesto "Che" Guevera. Husband No 2: Ernesto "Che" Guevera, Argentinian born revolutionary, killed by the CIA in Bolivia and now seen on cheap Bolivian T shirts ("One Boliviano, Amigo! Buy one!"). Husband No 3: Richard Burton, well known drunk. Husband No 4: Richard Burton (again!), well known drunk. Husband No 5: Richard Burton (again and again!!), well known drunk. Husband No 6: Tom Cruise well known Film Actor (You sure? - Ed) Husband No 7: Chief Justice what's-his-name, well known nasty guy who once famously passed wind in court (You mean passed judgement? - Ed) Husband No 8: (That'sh enough husbands! Ed) FORTHCOMING MARRIAGES Alliance, Peoples and Pol-Pot, Tylwyn Mr and Mrs Peoples of Colombo and Mr and Mrs Pol-Pot of Kampuchea invite all and sundry to the wedding of their daughter Alliance (Convent educated!) and their son a nasty piece of work known as the Janatha Vimukthi Peramuna. The ceremony will be officiated by various nasty pieces of work including the Chief Injustice. Bridesmaid: Moustache Rajapassa Bestman: Anura "Hulk" Airport. Persona Non Grata: Rani Wickremesinghe and Velu Panamkottaya. RECEPTION: Grand Oriental Hotel, Pittakotuwa, Colombo. General shedding of blood: Vihara Maha Devi Park (Formerly Victoria Park) McMalupaan Corporation of Punchi Borella, publishers of The Daily Pol-Thel. A non-political crazy organisation. We make fun of everybody and anything! An Apology! We apologise to Ernesto "Che" Guevara for giving the impression that he is somehow responsible for the behaviour of certain revolutionaries in the Republik of Sri Lanka. We at The Pol-Thel want to make it clear that the late Ernesto was a man of principles and upheld his views to the extent of paying with his life. We support his principles and do apologise for using his name in vain... HOW SHE CHANGE? No? Neda? Chandrani at her first wedding Years of bitterness has left her like thish!

VOL 3 NO 1.............................................................Another Fine Messh!
Dark justice meted out to Dhammika in court by Norman Palihawadana and Franklin R. Satyapalan (The Island 10-1-2004) A leading underworld figure, behind organized crime in Colombo, who caused much controversy by recently testifying against the Telecom and Cricket Board Chairman Thilanga Sumathipala, Dhammika Amerasinghe, was gunned down inside the Colombo Magistrates Court around 11 a.m. yesterday. Thug Kills Thug! Nation Rejoices! by our corr. Jinadasa Kappamsena, Justice of the Peace and Notorious Public, SCN Hulftsdorph (10-1-2004) Aiyo! Today a well known thug with a lot of money and lots of lawyers supporting him was shot dead by a lawyer disguised as a hitman (shurely, the other way around?-Ed) at the Central Courts of Injustice at Hulftsdorph, Colombo. And Aiyo! There was no gnashing of teeth or crying of the eyes and instead there was widespread celebration. Earlier, largely missed by the national media who were interested only in puss stories about her Supreme Commander Chandrani, a thug by the name of Dhammika Perera (alias Dhammika Ameresekera, alias Bandakka "Slippery" Don, alias Pitakotuwé Wedituwakku, alias Butch Cassidy, alias Sundance Kidding, alias "Doc" Halliday, alias...(Thatsh enough aliases! Ed) Pul Fiction: I shall strike thee with furious vengence!
The pistol used in the shooting (Pic by Eranga J./The Island)	In a scene-eka borrowed from Quentin Tarantinosekera's very, very violence film called "Pul Fiction" a gunman wearing a black suit shot him with furious vengence and Aiyo a few bystanding persons also getting the shot. Earlier an accused in another case, Telecom and Cricket Board Chairman Thilanga Sumathipala, getting admitted to Apollo Hospital... A Doctor Writes One of the first signs that most people get of a heart attack is a summons to attend court. When this happens and if you are rich it is important that you immediatly get admitted to a private hospital like the Apollo Hospital(very reasonable rates. I am a shareholder). On admission pretend to have heart attack by clutching chest and shouting "Ammo". If doctor refusing to give medical certificate employ thugs to beat up doctor... Write Your Own Medical Certificate! A free Crazylanka service! Other News Garment to abolish death sentence. Instead employ hitmen... Chief Justice wears extra set of bullet proof underpants.. Lawyers ask for fees before clients get killed.... Garment to ban lawyers from courts.... Er Thats'h about it! Nothing much happens in the old republic except violence! Left above: Vincent Aiya and Samuel Aiya in the Sinhala version of Pulp Fiction. Below: Unknown cop shows the fine art of handling a suspect murder weapon! Adverisement Are you feeling down and out? Have you just recieved summons to attend Huftsdorph Courts? Do not despair. Admit yourself to the Apollo Hospital and we will do the rest! Bogus medical certificates a speciality Free Medical Checkup! Mention Crazylanka and you will get a free medical checkup. Offer valid only with Bogus Medical Certificate offer.
MARS PROBE LANDS IN VANNI! No Intelligent Life Anywhere! Americans Get It Wrong Again! (surprised?!) Harris Hulugalla pleased that No Karawe Anywhere! By ANDREW BRIDGES, AP Science Writer PASADENA, Calif. and Prof. Velupillai of Vanni for SCN (7-1-2004) Additional material by the Garment Dept. of Disinfo. Lanka Chronic and The Daily Noise.
Picture of Vanni landscape beamed by the Spirit Rover (© NASA)	NASA unveiled a breathtaking color snapshot Tuesday of the surface of Mars shot by its Spirit rover using a camera with the robotic equivalent of 20/20 vision. The new color image is the sharpest photograph ever taken on the surface of Mars. NASA scientists called the picture a "postcard," sent across 105 million miles of space to Earth from its Spirit rover. Too Much Spirits! However the Americans, as usual, have got it wrong! The guidance system went wrong and the probe landed in the Northern part of Sri Lanka. The people of Vanni who are used to seeing objects coming down of the sky immediately shouted "Ennadah!" and ran for cover.. The pictures show an arid war-torn landscape reflecting Man's Inhumanity To Man and.. (Thatsh enough drivel - Ed) The Garment Dept. Of Disinfo. said that an old man by the name of Arthur C. Clarksinghe has said that he had predicted a Vanni landing in his book "2004 - A Spaced-Out Oddity" ....The Pry Minister claimed that it was his Garment that had...The President was unavailable for...Harris Hulugalla was one of the few fossils found... (As we said: No Intelligent Life! - Ed) No Buddhist Temples on Mars! SHOCK "The Mars remote controlled thingammy showed no evidence of trees, particularly of the Ficus Relegiosa (Bo tree) type! This makes us conclude that there cannot be Buddhist Temples on Mars" said a NASA employee who happened to be a Member of The Church Of Latter Day.......... Kaputu Bo "Bo trees are typically propagated by crows who eat the fruit and pass the seed down their alimentary canals!" said Professor Sherlock Scotland-Yard to his assistant Dr. Whats-is-name.... "It is really Alimentary, my dear Watson!"
MOON LANDING WAS A HOAX!
(Loony Tunes 7th Jan 2004) The much celebrated moon landings of the Apollo Missions were all a hoax....said a shock weport today The actual backdwop was the Awizona desert said Pwofessor Elmer Fraud of the University of Loony Tunes, Pasadena, Calif. who has written a book "That Wascally Wabbit Never Landed On The Moon!"
An apology: Father Christmas is a Hindu! We at Crazylanka may have, in a previous edition, given the wrong impression that Father Christmas (aka Santa) was Christian and a logo of the Coca Cola Company. We have now been reliably informed by our Yalpanam corr. Pushpalingamkumaran (aka "Palmyrah toddy") Yoganathan that Santa is actually a Hindu Sage with a typical silver beard and that the so called sleigh is just levitation. In fact Santa's real name is Santhananthakrishnan Rajagopalan. The Portuguese corrupted the name and shortened it to Santha. The British further corrupted it to Santa. Originally a resident of Innuvil he now resides in Finland..... BREAKING NEWS: Trishaws converted to Buddhism? ALSO: In God We Trust? "American Dollar Notes Are Christian" Shock! Don't bring Dollars to Sri Lanka! Garment warns. By our corr. with an-expensive-camera-damaged-by-an-angry-mob and sitting-in-the-back-seat-of-a-trishaw-with a black eye, near Pettah Bus Station. (SCN 1-1-2004) MORE TROUBLE: Today a Buddhist Trishaw carrying a Muslim man crashed into a Catholic Trishaw carrying a Tamil woman... Further details in a later edition... Is this Trishaw Catholic or Buddhist? US Dollars Are Christian! Shock! Sri Lanka today refused to accept American Dollar notes which carry the advertisement (Shurely, slogan!? - Ed) "In God We Trust". All US dollar notes presently in Sri Lanka are to be pulped...Tourists are warned not to carry US dollars to Sri Lanka as these may be confiscated... We'll Keep The Red Flag Flying! There was widespread confusion amongst Christian groups bent on proselytiz..er..proteinlysing...pro (You have used that joke before! - Ed) when there were rumours that Trishaws (aka "Tuk Tuks") were converting to Buddhism and flying a yellow flag. Saffron? What Saffron? It is Turmeric...! However, most people regard the Buddhist flag to be a multicoloured striped affair typically seen at Vesak and the origin of the yellow flag is a mystery. Incidentally the Papal flag is yellow as well but of a shade paler than Turmeric...Tamils like Yellow as well.... It is generally thought that this conversion has nothing to do with Muslims as they tend to like Green...The UNP likes green as well (Now thats'h a sherious thought! - Ed) Scrap the country? No!? "If Trishaws need to be converted to anything it has to be to scrap metal!" said one disgusted C7 housewife in a tight dress with thin straps and an overall...(Get on with it! - Ed) who refused to give her name. "These little nuisances have been parked outside my house and...this is Colombo 7. No!? Not the Bloody Marriakade or the Bloody Panchikawatte, No?!. No?! You no what I am saying?....No?!" New Year Resolution Broken: Buddhist Monk who was on a diet abandons diet. More later...(When our drunken correspondents get back to work! - Ed)

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